


Shower Thoughts

by xXxCrimsonDreamsxXx



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Drabble, Gen, Heavy Angst, Loneliness, No Dialogue, No Plot/Plotless, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quintuple Drabble, Things I Write When I'm Sad, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxCrimsonDreamsxXx/pseuds/xXxCrimsonDreamsxXx
Summary: Yusaku can't forget what happened ten years ago, the only way to get through this unhealed pain is to become Playmaker.||Vent fic||
Kudos: 7





	Shower Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a drabble I made to deal with my own ptsd, but also, I wanted to work out how Yusaku tries to deal with his trauma before he decides to become Playmaker.  
> I didn't even worked too much on this, I just put part of my feelings here and mixed them with Yusaku's.

The drops of cold water shook his body, he forced himself to shiver under the coolness of his shower so as not to spend too long thinking about the inevitable, although, as much as he was doing something completely different, the memories of his nightmares come true began to come alive every second. Hatred, anger and pain were emotions that predominated in his broken heart, his closed eyes were his torture, the darkness of not seeing caused him to replace each vision with his imagination, causing him to relive every horrible situation from his past.

He couldn’t find a way to get rid of this trauma, there was no way that would lead him to genuinely smile, he could pretend to be fine, say that everything was part of a past that was already left behind with the will of power to move forward, however, _move forward_ wasn’t even an easy thing to say.

Some tips of his therapy were to go for a walk, try a game, make friends; none of that was valid for his damaged mind. In each second, each blinking moment was the horrible memory of what a painful dagger stabbed him, leaving a wound unable to stop bleeding. Worst of all, was that although it was already named as a memory, he didn’t know when it could happen again.

Back then he was a child, and now, he was already a boy capable of defending himself better, but fear continued to envelop every part of his bones and freeze him in his loneliness. Despite being someone that could avoid a second time around, the first time it continued to tear at his little sanity he had. He wanted to rip out his heart, his skin, his eyes; every part of his being to cease to exist in a world where he could no longer move forward.

The rest of the world could keep moving , while he remained stuck in the same limbo, with a rift that was wide enough that if he dared to fall, he would be in the infinite fall of a painful abyss.

Talking was impossible; He couldn't bring up a normal topic of conversation when his mind only brought up dark thoughts of his suffering, even if those thoughts stopped, he wasn't sure in what second they would come back. Striving to talk and make friends was exhausting just planning it, the insecurities and his fears would revive to trap him in the corner of his loneliness and they would never give him the space to be someone else; be a normal teenager.

Time stood still for him, his shadow his only company and the screams of agony echoing in his head. There was no walk that would end this, no friendship that would silence his crying. The therapy was useless.

There was only one way that would lead him to determine his destiny and silence that suffering that continued to torment him every day and night, which would eliminate the nightmares that caused him to hate his own bed and the simple fact of having to lie down.

There was only one way to move forward, and that was ...

…revenge.


End file.
